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A
Abundant Love: The idea or philosophy that a person can love more than one person at a time.Ace: Shorthand for AsexualAdult Buffet: A certain type of group sex in which consenting adults gather for the purpose of sex and are free to explore as they see fit.Age Regression: The mental act of an individual reverting to a child-like state of mind. This can occur as a coping mechanism for mental illness or trauma or may be intentional as an aspect of an adult relationship.Allosexual: Used within the asexual community to reference someone who is not asexual.AMAB/AFAB: Assigned Male At Birth/Assigned Female At Birth.Ambiamorous: Being content in either a polyamorous or monogamous relationshipAttachment Theory: A theory describing behavioral patterns which describe how you relate to other people and respond to intimacy throughout life. This theory is guided by the assumption that the same motivational system that gives rise to the close emotional bond between parents and their children is responsible for the bond that develops between adults in emotionally intimate relationships. More information can be found at: https://www.verywellhealth.com/attachment-styles-5220583 Aro: Shorthand for AromanticAromantic: Feeling little to no romantic attraction for anyone. This does not mean the person lacks sexual attraction or interest in maintaining romantic or sexual relationships.Asexual: Feeling little to no sexual attraction for anyone.. This does not mean the person lacks romantic attraction, lacks interest in sex, or is celibate.
b
Bear: A person within male gay culture who projects an image of rugged masculinity.Binder: Cloth strips, elastic, or spandex undergarments used to flatten the breasts.Bisexual: Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, but not necessarily all.Biphobia: Negative attitudes toward bisexual people.Body Fluid Monogamy: A style of monogamy that limits the exchange of bodily fluids.Boi: Can refer to a variety of identities: a butch lesbian, a submissive in the BDSM community, a young trans man.Bottom: The receptive partner, often seen as the submissive partner.Bottom surgery: Typically refers to three types of surgeries: vaginoplasty, phalloplasty, or metoidioplasty.
c
Candualism: The practice of being aroused from watching one's spouse or partner be sexually active with another person.Cellular Family: When three or more adults live together and share domestic and financial responsibilities.CGL: Short for CareGiver/Little, CGL describes a relationship in which one partner takes a caregiver role (sometimes called mommy/daddy) and the other takes a child-like role. It does not involve any real minors at any time, typically involves Age Regression, and can be considered sexual, a kink, or neither of the above. It’s generally characterized by the “little” in the relationship acting in a childlike manner that includes things like bed-time stories, children’s games, childlike aesthetic, stuffed animals, etc. Cheating: Any activity that breaks rules or agreements established by participating parties. In polyamory, the nature of your relationship with your partner can determine if cheating occurs. Always practice good communication with your partners.CisHet: A person who identifies as the gender assigned to them at birth and is also heterosexual.Closed Marriage: A marriage where there is no emotional or sexual intimacy happening outside of the two partners.Constellation: Name sake of the server, it is the connections made in a polyamorous relationship. You, your partner, and your metas all make up your constellation; The interweaving and structure of a polyamorous relationship. Constellations are also called polycules because the web of connections can look like a scientific modelComet: An infrequently and/or irregularly seen partner with whom you have an established relationship. A partner may be a comet because of distance, irregular and demanding work schedules, etc. ,Compersion: The happy feelings you get when you see another friend or partner be happy with others.Couple's Privilege: The advantages, benefits and accommodations that established couples are automatically given in society over single people or non-nested partners, usually in the context of couples that existed prior to a decision to "open up" as poly or in the context of a couple who consider each other their primary partner. Couples privilege exists in almost all established couples to some degree, though efforts can and often should be made to mitigate it in a polyamorous context where hierarchy isn't desired.Cub: A younger version of a bear.
d
D&D: Drug and Disease-free; Also: Dungeons & Dragons.Datemate: A gender-neutral term for a person you are dating. See: Joyfriend, Faefriend, etcDeescalation: Intentionally taking steps to reduce the entanglement or enmeshment of an existing relationship without necessarily dissolving the relationship all together. See: Relationship EscalatorDemiromantic: a romantic alignment characterized by a lack of romantic attraction to an individual until after some form of attachment has been madeDemisexual: a sexuality characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to an individual until after some form of attachment has been madeDND: Dungeons & Dragons or Do Not Disturb in the context of discord status. You will hear about Dungeons & Dragons at least a few times if you exist in enough polyamorous spaces.Don't Ask, Don't Tell: A relationship structure in which a partner is permitted to explore other romantic and sexual relationships as long as their spouse doesn't have to hear about it. This structure is sometimes seen as controversial among polyamorous communities due to the community's focus on communication, the implied or explicit hierarchy that this structure lends itself to, and the difficulty for the outside partner to confirm that the uninvolved partner is actually consenting to the arrangement.
e
Emotional Fidelity: The practice in which emotional intimacy is exclusive to one relationship.Enby: A nonbinary person.Enmeshment/Entanglement: Established Relationship Energy: Feelings of security, stability, and long term association. Generally comes after NRE (see New Relationship Energy).Ethical Nonmonogamy: The practice of having more than one partner in which all participants are fully aware of the situation and giving their informed consent. Also short handed as ENM. ENM is considered an umbrella term that defines several nonmonogamous relationship styles including but not limited to: Polyamory, Swinging, Hotwifing, DADT, etc
f
IFaefriend: a gender neutral term for a partner, replacing boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. See: Datemate, Joyfriend, etcFluid Bonding: The act in which the exchanging of fluids are permitted during sexual activity.Folx: Alternate spelling of folks used to address a group of people in a non-gendered way.Free Love: The idea that sexual acts should not be tied to ideas of love, marriage, or commitment.Friends with benefits (FWB): Friends who don't consider each other to have a relationship beyond friendship, but also include sex within the friendship.Frubble: See Compersion.Futch: Used to describe a queer person who presents as both femme/feminine and butch.
g
Gaff: A device that hides the bulge of a penis.Garden Party Polyamory: A style of polyamory that encourages loose, comfortable connections among all people in a polycule. It is a style that expects less connection than Kitchen Table Polyamory, but more than Parallel Polyamory. The idea behind Garden Party Polyamory is that every member of the polycule is expected to be comfortable enough with each other that if someone hosts a birthday party (or a "garden party"), people should be okay showing up and spending that time together for their shared partner or friendGender Dysphoria: A state of distress that is felt by a person whose assigned birth gender does not match what they identify as.Gender Nonconforming: Not defined by society's definitions of gender.Gender transition: The process by which people strive to more closely align their internal knowledge of their gender with their outward appearance.Grandy: Gender-neutral term for grandma or grandpa.Group Marriage: The concept in which 3 or more people believe themselves to be married to one another.
H
HALTS: An acronym that serves as a reminder that it's best to not have relationship altering conversations while you or your partner is in HALTS, that is: hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or sad.Hierarchy: In a nonmonogamous context, hierarchy is the relative amount of importance and priority that is placed on the relationships someone might have. Hierarchy can be formal and prescriptive, meaning that there are rules in place that intentionally prioritize one relationship over another (such as if a couple opens up but considers their relationship the 'primary' and any other relationships secondary and less important) or hierarchy can be descriptive, meaning that it's not formalized but occurs due to existing external circumstances (such as needing to prioritize your co-parent when something comes up related to your child, financial entanglement meaning you need to check in with a partner before making big financial decisions, or two relationships just being prioritized differently because one is old and established and has expectations that a brand new relationship doesn't)Hierarchical Polyamory - Polyamory that formally acknowledges and enforces a system of prescribed hierarchy, usually characterized by concepts of some partners being 'primary' and some being 'secondary'. See: HierarchyHinge: In a vee relationship, it is the person who has two partners.
i
Intersex: People who are born with several variations of sex chromosomes, sex hormones, or genitals.
J
Joyfriend: a gender neutral term for a partner, replacing boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. See: Datemate, Faefriend, etc
k
IKitchen Table Polyamory: A style of polyamory that encourages family style relationships among all people in a polycule, even if they do not have a romantic or sexual relationship with each other. The term originates from the idea that members of the polycule in this structure should be comfortable "sitting at the kitchen table together"
l
Long Distance Relationship (LDR): A relationship in which the two partners are separated by a great distance, such as two different cities, states, or countries.
m
Maddy: A term for trans women who have children.Metamour/Meta: The partner of one's partner. This is not someone you share a romantic or sexual relationship, but your partner does.Monogamish: Relationships outside of the married couple are seen as used to enhance the relationship for the married couple. The external relationships are not seen as continuous, but just as tools for use.Muffing: Penetration of the inguinal canal; also a way to tuck, for trans women.Mx.: Gender-neutral abbreviation for Mr., Ms., etc…
n
Nesting Partner: The person or people you share a home and domestic responsibilities with. You can have one or multiple ‘nests’ and nesting partners. Abbreviated as NPNeopronouns: Pronoun sets similar to she/her, he/him, and they/them that are non-standard in English. Examples includes fae/faer, ze/hir, ze/xir, and many others. They are often but are not always considered gender neutral, whereas he and she tend to be associated (but are not always) with men and women respectfully.New Relationship Energy: The initial rush of affection, interest, and endorphins the characterize new and developing relationships, also called NRE. NRE is well known for causing intense emotions, feelings of euphoria, and causing altered decision making abilities. It's worth recommending that poly folk who are in new relationships and experiencing this euphoria with a new partner remember to not ignore their other partners or commitments, don't make permanent or life changing choices, and be careful that they don't chase NRE to the point of hurting others through neglect or by making them feel like they were used for NRE and discarded when it fadesNP: See Nesting PartnerNRE: See New Relationship EnergyNibling: Gender-neutral term for niece/nephew.Nonbinary: Not exclusively masculine or feminine—outside the gender binary.
o
IOPP: OPP stands for One Penis/Pussy Policy and defines an arrangement in a marriage in which one partner may have multiple partners of any sex, and the other partner is not allowed to have anypartners matching the sex of the first partner. This agreement is often frowned upon due to being unequal between the partners, being invalidating to possible trans partners, being invalidating to same sex relationships, and often being a sign of a very new and untested poly agreement.Open Marriage: An arrangement in which both partners are open to seek romantic or sexual relationships outside their marriage.Otter: A gay man whose body type is thin or of athletic build.
p
Pangender: Identifying as more than one gender.Pansexual: Someone who is attracted to all genders.Parallel Polyamory: A person's relationships are for the most part independent of one another.Petamour: the pets of other members of your polyculePlatonic Relationship: When there is emotional intimacy in the relationship, but not sexual or physical.Poly: Shorthand for Polyamorous but can also be short for Polynesian or Polysexual. Context is usually necessary to determine this term's meaning in practice. Polyam is a good alternative when looking for a shorthand for Polyamorous in a setting where context isn't obvious. Polyam should be used instead of Poly in the context of hashtags on social media platforms to prevent polyamorous content from flooding and drowning out Polynesian communities and content. In Constellation spaces, as a primarily polyamorous community, poly is expected to mean polyamorous and its use is common and welcomed.Polyam: Shorthand for Polyamorous that is unambiguous and prevents the confusion that Poly may present as shorthand when context is lacking. This shorthand should be used as the alternative to Poly in the context of hashtags on social media platforms to prevent polyamorous content from flooding and drowning out Polynesian communities and content.Polyamory: The practice of maintaining multiple relationships, be they sexual and/or romantic.Polycule: A network of romance whose members are closely connected. Can be seen as a visual representation of the network.Polyfidelity: A relationship of more than two people, but does not permit members to seek relationships elsewhere.Poly/Mono: A relationship in which one member is polyamorous and the other is monogamous. In these relationships, the poly person will practice polyamory while the monogamous person does not.Polysexual: Being attracted to more than one but not all genders.Primary/Secondary: In a relationship in which a person's partners are hierarchical, they will have a primary partner who is their focus, and a secondary partner who is not considered their focus.
q
Quad: A relationship of four people, though they may not be romantically or sexually involved with everyone.Queer: Queer is an umbrella term for people who are not heterosexual or are not cisgender.Queer Platonic Relationship: A queer relationship that goes beyond that of friendship, but does not cross into a romantic or sexual relationship.
r
RA: Shorthand for Relationship Anarchy.RA Manifesto: The original writeup of what a Relationship Anarchist is by Andie Nordrgren. See: Relationship Anarchist.Relationship Anarchy: A philosophical foundation for relationships that holds that no one type of relationship is inherently more important or significant than any other. RA is characterized by choosing relationship structures based off of individual preferences and not societal norms or expectations. i.e: Each relationship should be valued based on its unique value to the people involved. See Andie Nordrgren's original manifesto here: https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/andie-nordgren-the-short-instructional-manifesto-for-relationship-anarchy.Relationship Escalator: Responsible Non-Monogamy: Any relationship that is not exclusive with the explicit agreement of all parties involved.
s
ISOFFA: Significant others, friends, family, and allies of trans people.Solo Poly: A relationship approach characterized by an individual living a ‘single’ lifestyle while having, wanting, or building multiple relationships. Solo poly people tend to not have nesting partners, primaries, or anchor partners. They may identify as single even when they have partners. They tend to not identify themselves in relation to their partners or see their relationships as any kind of unit. Solo poly people tend to avoid relationship escalation and entanglement while focusing on personal autonomy and individualism. Split Attraction Model: a model of sexualities which identifies sexual and romantic attraction as separate and unrelated alignments. This model is frequently seen in the context of the asexual and aromantic communities but usage elsewhere is not uncommonSprog: Gender-neutral term for son or daughter.Stem: A lesbian who falls somewhere between butch and femme.Swinging: The idea of having multiple sexual partners with the idea that these partners are for sexual uses only.System: A system refers to a group of alters, people, parts, beings, etc that cohabitate in a single body. Because of the nature of how systems form, it is possible for the expression of one of those beings to be drastically different in identity from the body, host, and other inhabitants. Systems can form in many ways and from many sources and more resources on the topic can be found at the following links: https://system-dictionary.carrd.co/#more; https://twitter.com/TpaNonprofit
t
TERF: An acronym for trans-exclusionary radical feminists, i.e., those who are transphobic and do not consider trans women as women. Also sometimes called FARTs (Feminist Appropriating Reactionary Transphobes), these people can usually be identified by dog whistles including but not limited to terms like "gender critical" or talking points focused on topics including but not limited to women's safety in public restrooms or claims that lesbians are ignored by the greater queer community.Top: The The giving partner, often seen as the dominant partnerTop surgery: Typically, breast augmentation or the construction of a masculine chest.Triad: A set of three people in a polyamorous relationship with each other.Tucking: The act or process of hiding the testicles or penis (see gaff).Twink: A young, small gay man.Two-spirit: A term to describe a traditional third-gender ceremonial role among Indigenous North American people.
u
Unicorn: A person of any gender or sexual orientation who joins a preexisting couple. . The unicorn is a third partner for anything from casual sex to long-term commitment and all possibilities in between. Unicorns, especially in the context of unicorn hunters, are most often but not always bisexual or pansexual women who are asked to join a heterosexual couple.Unicorn Hunting: The act of an existing couple seeking a shared person to form a triad with, often limited to a bisexual ciswoman. Expectations vary between couples who attempt the practice, but frequent expectations include: the "third" be equally attracted to both existing partners, date both of them equally, never see one of them alone, has to date both of them, might not be allowed to seek partners outside of the triad, shouldn't overrule any of the existing couples' expectations or wants, etc. Often, Unicorn Hunting is unethical because it places the outside partner in a position where they are treated unfairly, the existing couple doesn't address their privilege as an existing couple, the third is sometimes treated as disposable or as a marital aid or as a toy, etc. Unicorn Hunting is often frowned upon in polyamorous communities though it may be more accepted in the broader ENM community. A good resource on this topic can be found at: https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/
v
Vee: A relationship involving three people with one person at the point. See also, Hinge.Veto: A relationship agreement in which the primary partner has "veto" power against a person's potential partners. They are able to tell them who they can and cannot be with, and have the power to terminate relationships. This is typically frowned upon in polyamorous communities because it gives a third party control over the relationship between two people, but may be more common in non-polyamorous ENM spaces.
w
Wibble: Feelings of insecurity when watching your partner be affectionate with someone else.
x
y
z
Zaza: Gender-neutral term for mom or dad.Ze/Hir: Pronounced /zee/ and /here/ Gender-neutral terms to replace he and she and his and hers.
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